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Comments:
<0> went to bed at 11:30.. baby had me up since 3am
<0> she finally went to sleep at 5
<0> now i cant go to sleep
<0> ;/
<0> smoke br
<0> b
<1> man
<1> ive been throwing up all ****ing night
<1> i relapsed
<1> and the heroin has been making me vomit
<1> so what i did is i made myself a ****ing huge feast
<1> and ive literally been eating all night
<2> fatty
<1> vomiting everything out, and filling myself back up
<1> over and over
<1> fatty? why would you think so?
<2> junkie
<1> there you go :)
<1> i used to be a fatty tho
<1> used to weigh 220
<1> now im 150
<1> this is pretty fun
<1> food i/o
<1> eat, vomit, eat, vomit, eat, vomit, etc
<2> lovely
<2> yeah drugs are great for weightloss
<0> sounds healthy
<0> bulemia is ***y
<1> bulemia?
<1> i lost weight through diet and exercise
<0> yea, its what those crazy 70 pound people do cause they think they are fat
<1> this vomiting thing is just a side effect from the drugs i took at night
<0> you're doing the same thing as them
<0> yea
<0> i know
<0> and you're retarded for doing that
<0> i hope you realize that
<1> yeah i know
<1> i relapsed
<1> and the heroin is making me vomit
<1> but relapsing doesnt make one retarded
<1> its a part of the disease of addiction
<1> my sponsor had 20 years clean and relapsed
<1> now hes got like 1 year or so
<0> maybe next time it will kill him
<1> maybe
<1> maybe not
<0> relapses are not ok
<1> depends on your definition of ok
<1> i mean its obviously not good
<0> and if you're telling yourself it is ok you're not ready for recovery
<1> no, im telling myself '**** happens'
<1> and accept it
<3> what is "bulk"
<1> m*** amounts of stuff
<1> i can try to force myself to think that its either all or nothing.. but in reality, as countless addicts have demonstrated in NA, relapses can and do happen.. they do not mean that recovery has failed. you keep going and stay clean afterwards, etc
<1> it fails when you give up
<0> and it gives you a good excuse to give in next time
<1> thats one way of looking at it
<0> because its all part of recovery, right?
<1> do you have a better way of looking at it?
<1> are you an addict?
<0> yea
<0> i had a coke problem
<0> and yes, i can say had.
<1> how long have you been clean?
<0> i have urges maybe once a month
<0> 4 years
<1> thats cool
<1> keep it up
<0> i didnt beat it through abstinance though... i used substitution of a less harmful drug
<1> i see your attack against my 'excuse'... but an excuse is just one way of looking at it
<0> i smoke weed
<0> heres how i see it
<1> ?
<0> cocaine is horrible for the body. it was eating up my nose.. i couldnt get out of bed without taking a bump in the morning at least
<0> i was getting nosebleeds all the time and i knew i was going to die if i kept using it
<1> ack
<0> i decided that i could make it through by sticking with weed
<0> i know thats not how its supposed to be done
<1> yeah
<1> the most important thing is that it works for you
<0> but its kept me clean from that ****
<1> for me, NA and talking to my sponsor seems to help
<1> but i have a problem with consistency
<0> it can
<0> i went through NA
<1> im leaving to a 6 month rehab program tomorrow
<2> owned
<0> i didnt finish all 12 steps
<1> that will also help
<1> its gonna be pretty fun
<1> im gonna work out the whole time there
<1> i wanna come back ripped
<0> thats cool
<1> then get back into the army
<1> sup e
<4> nothing just got home
<0> well, the structure of being in the army can help
<1> yup
<1> i also need to get back in touch with my warrior side
<0> i changed my life by doing that
<1> you a vet?
<0> i was active from 1995-1997.. then went to reserves
<1> cool
<1> army?
<0> yes
<1> hooah
<1> which mos?
<0> hooah :)
<0> 12B
<2> WHORAH
<0> combat engineer
<1> nice
<5> HOEraaah
<0> it was an experience :)
<1> i was 42A, human resources
<5> lol
<1> if i get back in after rehab, i'm going 11B
<1> eleven bang bang
<0> yea
<0> i do recommeend considering more skilled positions
<1> gonna try to get airborne and air ***ault too
<5> im joining the Navy, right after i graduate
<1> i understand your point, but i'd rather do that on the civilian side
<2> in the navy blah blah blah
<0> navy is good if you want to relax
<1> i want to go army 'all the way'
<1> combat-wise
<2> go fishing off the poopdeck
<1> its that side of me that i need to tend to
<2> if you want the ultimate respect, join the air force
<1> i want to be an airborne ranger
<2> if you are insane, join the marines
<1> daedalus_: each branch is respected
<0> welp... 12B is a highly dangerous and exciting/fun job. We lead the 11B's. We clear landmine fields, clear bunkers, lay bridges, make the terrain p***able
<0> take the first combat fire
<0> demolition
<0> C4, TNT
<1> werd
<0> yea
<0> its high sped ****
<0> speed*
<1> personally im more attracted to infantry
<0> thats cool
<1> and man.. if i become an airborne ranger
<1> im gonna cry
<0> yea
<0> ranger school is toucgh to get in as an 11B tho
<2> hahah
<0> you're a dime a dozen applying
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